quic: update ngtcp2 and nghttp3

[jasnell]

Update the deps ngtcp2 and nghttp3 to latest + needed fixups. This depends directly on the prior PRs #34655, #34669, and #34741 landing first (all of which are ready to land except for the silly mandatory wait time requirement)

Checklist

• make -j4 test (UNIX), or vcbuild test (Windows) passes
• tests and/or benchmarks are included
• documentation is changed or added
• commit message follows commit guidelines